The Whimsical Interview With the SAT.

{ September 2, 2009 @ 9:29 pm } · { SAT }

If you peered into the window, you could see two fine gentlemen sitting opposite each other, a table in between. On one side is the ever so austere SAT,  and on the other side is a young fellow that goes by the name of Nigel.

SAT: So what did you think?

Nigel: Well first of all I need to say I am grateful that you come in paper form. Answering your questions on screen was a pain. Near the end of the test, I could have sworn that I saw the little text dancing around merrily instead of staying still. Whether they were congratulating me or mocking me, I do not know.

SAT: I see, so I assume you concentrate better if the text is printed?

Nigel: Yes, exactly!

SAT: Was the critical reading section fun?

Nigel: If you consider having headaches as fun, then yes it is. It requires a great deal of intense concentration just to slog through all the questions, never mind to answer them correctly. You will be hanging on till the end, wiping off sweat from your forehead, only to find that most of your answers are wrong. THAT is a degrading experience!

SAT: If I were to tell you I sympathized you, I would be lying.

Nigel: I thought so. *pause* Why are you so tough?

SAT: Well, I go to the gym often…

Nigel: Not that you idiot! Tough as in complex, ambiguous, nauseating, demanding, laborious, rigorous, wearing, unaffable and complicated. Why?

SAT: It’s to judge how much of an intellectual you are, how much you understand the culture of America! Look at your vocab you just babbled out, it must be the marvelous effects of doing my sentence completions! Don’t you think you gained something from that?

Nigel: Yeah, but I worked hard for it…

SAT: Which makes you appreciate it even more!

*Nigel nods his head*

SAT: How about the writing section?

Nigel: Oh my god. For that, I have no other comment than it is crazy! I have now become a grammar detective who is trying to detect misplaced modifiers, subject verb disagreement, ambiguous pronouns, illogical comparisons, bad sentence structure and many, many more.

SAT: I’m sick of your continuous whining and writhing. Can you please be positive for once? You’re as negative as an electron!

Nigel: Erm. Well… I guess I could say, albeit with tremondous amounts of hesitation, that my writing has improved, grammar-wise. Not too long ago, my essays were filled with incomplete sentences; run-on sentences were abundant as well. Doing the writing SAT abetted me in rectifying all those errors.

SAT: See, I told you! Keep looking on the bright side, and you’ll find that the SAT has improved your English, no matter writing or reading.

*Nigel nods his head in agreement again*

SAT: I know that there maybe frustrating, hair-pulling moments when you feel like burning the book or killing your English teacher. But ponder this, millions around the world are partaking in this examination too. Similarly, millions around the world are also pulling their hairs out. But I do hope no English teachers get killed!

Nigel: That’s… a good way to motivate yourself I guess.

And so there concludes my interview session with the SAT. Like Mr Yujin said, the SAT will henceforth be something that I shall try to like, no matter how bleak the outcome seems.

Nigel

Advertisement