Watching..

{ October 20, 2009 @ 9:41 am } · { personal }

      Shalom.

It has been quite some time since a post has been published here. My dear readers, I apologise if I have kept you waiting longer than you should be. Even as I type this, I feel as if a connection has been established again between me and this blog. Anyway, this dear morning have brought out the morning blues in yours truly and so I shall add, I AM SLIGHTLY BORED. Bored, you say? That’s kind of normal.. But for an individual like me, to be bored is akin to saying that there is nothing left to do. NOTHING. Need I repeat that? I doubt so.

    As time flew, SAT 1 passed. The foundation exams passed. Holidays passed. And now, SAT 2 looms before me. Not to mention TOEFL, which could very well be my Achilles’ heel. Yet, this week ahead of me and something terrible has struck me. BOREDOM. The very sound of this word chills me to the bone. How cold and lonely it is, for boredom strikes at anyone and no target is spared from its sight. With my literature novels and SAT books to keep me company, at least, I can find solace in words, however boring they may be at times. The internet, once a precious commodity here, is now boring. Instead, I find even more joy in the clicking of the mouse and merely open a couple of tabs just to here the sound of the mouse clicking. And the keyboard clanging. I wonder.. ‘Shall I try bungee jumping?’. There isn’t anyone in sight here for almost all have gone home. And so, it has suddenly came upon me. A new interest has caught my eye. Though eccentric and crazy it may sound, such an interesting activity could not resist me. ANT WATCHING.

  Yes, ant watching. I know, I know. You guys are shaking your heads and I don’t need telepathy to see that. Every day, I wake up to find at least an ant in my room or apartment. As Kumar complained about the ants hibernating in his laptop, it is clearly an understatement. They are everywhere. In dustbins and drawers, on the kitchen sink and the wall, and on the bathroom sink even, they flood my apartment. Not that it is such a bad thought of having animals around, but the idea of hundreds of beings living with me brings out the claustrophobia in me. Haha.. At first, and usually, I thought it best to eradicate these very beings from my apartment. Killing daily by the fifties, I became the MASS MURDERER. I etched my picture into the minds of these ants.

However, I soon came to realise my futile efforts. It was like watching Resident Evil all over again. They were just too numerous. And being smart enough, I came upon an even bigger discovery. What if I were to think like them? Wouldn’t it be so much easier? It sounds easy and so, day by day, I gazed upon these creatures. Gazing and staring, I saw how they moved about on the wall. How they suddenly stopped when danger was sensed nearby. Alas, if only I could find the main nest and watch the Queen Ant. How satisfying it would be.

  You see, many wonder what purpose can ant watching bring, or even writing about such an activity. It is not so much about the craziness of this idea. Rather, it is about the meaning behind the activity. Sometimes, we cease to understand the characteristics of other individuals. We instead, focus on ourselves. Our success. It has all become about  ‘I’. Even an activity as simple as killing the ants brings out the survival mode in me. Do we ever take time to ponder over the lives of others? How we may be able to help them, or even how they may help us. And yet, such simplicity seems to have evaded us. Rather, we focus too much on the complexities of ‘What if?’. Pondering upon these ants, I wonder. Do I ever take enough time to focus on others? Do we?

   Seemingly dangerous people which we prefer to avoid, could be the very people who can transform our lives. Similar to the ants, we have this pre-conceived notion that everyone else is dangerous. I need to survive. And so, our self needs increase while the desire to help decreases. And I do admit that I portray such behaviour at times. How shocking and yet, how true. There are times when we do not even realise the dangerous change in us. Caught up in self needs, we abandon the needs of others with ease.

However, all it may take is just a little tick to shake us to the very truth. Ant watching has done that to me. And such shaking, though rough it maybe, is nothing in comparison to the change it brings in us. When I realise how selfish I have been, I am thankful indeed for this very shaking, for such realisation can never cause an individual to remain a constant.  The big picture which has always been there is suddenly seen clearly by our eyes formerly blurred. Indeed, it brings a change. Sometimes, a little shaking  is needed to bring us to reality. To the truth and to change.

Ant watching has done that to me. The question is,” Have you been shaken?’.

Joshua Y. 09